


(I Don't Wanna Feel) Blue

by Romansleftshoulderpad



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fear of Thunderstorms, M/M, Post-Break Up, alcohol mention, mention of one night stands, song: Blue by MARINA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romansleftshoulderpad/pseuds/Romansleftshoulderpad
Summary: Summary: It’s been 3 weeks since they last spoke, but Roman isn’t upset. Nope. Not at all. Completely fine. (Maybe he’s a little upset.)
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	(I Don't Wanna Feel) Blue

_We’ve broken up and now I regret it._

_I said goodbye when I shouldn’t have said it._

Roman pushed off the desk, his chair spinning abasing the wooden floor as music cushioned his ears. Roman “Drama Prince” King was a heartbreaker. He broke people’s hearts, but never left himself feel that pain. Never.

_I even cried but I never meant it._

_And I don’t know why but I can’t forget it._

Two weeks and he still had crumpled ideas laying all over the floors of his home. He wasn’t upset about that fight with Logan, if anything he was sure that Logan was upset about losing _him!_ Roman let out a huff as he continued pacing, knocking a crumpled piece of paper across the floor. He picked it up from the ground, unfolding the wrinkles and holding it up to the light. A graphite sketch of a ~~totally generic~~ boy holding up a boombox the way one would profess their love in a cliche 80s movie.

He stuck the paper to the fridge with a magnet. It was one of his better drawings lately- just happened to be of a stupid idea. He put his headphones back in his ears and started up his playlist. It was about an hour until sunset. He’d have time to go on a run to clear his head. …From the art block. He had to clear his head from the art block. Nothing else.

_No, I don’t love you._

_No, I don’t care._

The storm had woken up, but it’s not like he had been sleeping very well anyway. Lightning flashed, illuminating the entire room in white light for a split second. The bed was cold. No, no, the _room_ was cold. The room was always cold during storms. It wasn’t as if Roman’s bed were usually warmer. He was used to casual sex and one night stands but not at his own house. Never at his own house. The last person- the only person- to have joined Roman in his own bed was… Even then they never… They never did… anything. A roar of thunder shook the window and Roman instinctively yelped at the noise, pulling his blanket over himself and ignoring the melancholy longing that sat in his chest.

_I just want to be held when I’m scared._

_And all I want is one night with you._

Roman closed his eyes. He tried to ignore the storm and fall back asleep. He tried to ignore the memories of arms wrapped around him. He tried to ignore the fact that his pillow was too soft, cold, and silent. He tried to ignore the fact that he’d rather have his ear pressed up against a chest.

_Just ‘cause I’m selfish,_

_I know it’s true._

It had been four weeks since the fight and three since he had last seen Logan. Roman finally caved. He scrolled all the way down through hundreds of workout, party, sleep, and various miscellaneous other playlists until he had finally found exactly what he was looking for. The Breakup Playlist. He crashed against the couch, played his music at a volume that he was sure he’d pay for in thirty years, and closed his eyes as the memories faded in.

_I’m sick of looking after you._

_I need a man to hold on to._

_I’m bored of everything we do._

Roman’s heart felt like lead in his chest and his stomach felt as if he were trying to digest rocks. Lyrics of being stuck and trapped. Poems about being drained by someone who you thought you loved, but now can’t stand.

_But I just keep coming back to you._

Roman would never admit the events of that afternoon. He would never tell anyone how long his moment of drowning in grief had lasted. He’d take with him to his grave the words of how harshly he had cried over knowing that he had lost Logan. Knowing that it was all his fault. Knowing that he had been so scared of commitment that he pushed away the only man he had ever truly loved and _Oh God, Logan had been the only man that he’d ever loved._

_I’m sick of looking after you._

_I need a man to hold on to._

_I’m bored of everything we do._

He glanced to the fridge and swallowed his pride. There was only one thing he could do. _He would surely regret this in the morning._

He tossed a pebble at the only window with light emerging from it. Logan’s personal study. Roman chuckled as he armed himself with another pebble. Of course Logan would be in his study. When wasn’t he? He tossed the pebble and pressed play as the curtains drew back.

_“GIMME ONE MORE NIGHT!_

_ONE LAST GOODBYE!”_

“Roman Prince, turn down that nonsense before someone calls the police on you!” Logan yelled from the open window.

_“LET’S DO IT ONE MORE TIME._

_LET’S DO IT ONE MORE TIME._

_ONE MORE TIME.”_

“Roman, I will take your rocks and destroy that device if you do not cease the ridiculous noise.”

“Logan, I’m sorry!” Roman yelled back. “I was being a dick and I was… I was scared, okay?!” Thunder rumbled in the sky around them. It was Florida. Roman has maybe two minutes before the storm met them.

“Roman-”

“No, Logan, listen,” Roman said. “I had no right to say the things I did!”

“Roman, you’re embarrassing yourself,” Logan said. The thunder rolled closer.

“Maybe I am, but to hell with it!” Roman yelled. “You’re more important than my stupid ego, oaky? You are so much more important! You so important and I- I love you, okay?!” Rain started to fall softly. Rain started to fall. Rain was falling quickly.

Logan huffed and turned away from the window, shutting the curtains behind him. It was over. Logan was gone. He let the pouring rain that soaked his clothes wash away the few tears that he wouldn’t try to hide or erase from history.

_I don’t wanna be Blue anymore._

He shut off the old boombox, hung his head, and started to leave. “Get your ass in here,” Logan said from the doorway, holding freshly folded towels in his arms. Roman smiled feeling his breath catch in his chest. He took a running start towards the door, stopping only when Logan held his hand out in front of him. “Okay, Wet Dog,” he said with a smirk, “you’re drying off before you sit on any of the nice furniture.”

Roman left his shoes by the door and let Logan dry his hair. He smiled. “Thank you.”

“Did you actually mean it?” Logan asked, his voice showing almost no sign of emotion.

“Every word,” Roman said. “I was an asshole-”

“Glad to see that you’re self aware.”

“But I love you,” Roman said. “I love you and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that.”

Logan didn’t meet Roman’s eyes as he pulled his arms back. The damp towel stayed still on Roman’s head. “I trust you remember where the bathroom is. I still have a pair of your old pajamas. I’ll leave them by the door for you.”

“You still have my pajamas?” Roman asked with a smile. “You do care.”

“You should dry off before you get sick.”

Logan turned harshly on his heel and left the room, but the small smile stayed on Roman’s face. Logan held onto the pajamas. Logan held onto part of Roman. He wasn’t completely gone.

In only a matter of minutes, Roman was in his old pajamas, resting on Logan’s new couch. The background noise of the dryer running his wet clothes became a wonderfully domestic drone. Logan sat down on the opposite side of couch in stoic silence. “It’s pretty late,” Logan muttered. “You can stay here for the night if you want.”

“I’d like to,” Roman said. “Do you want to talk about it? Any of it?”

“What would that accomplish, Roman?”

“Well, for one, I’d know what I still need to apologize for.”

Logan took a sharp inhale of words, thoughts, and feelings. He exhaled every angry thing he wanted to yell. “You’ve apologized plenty, Roman.”

“I’ll apologize more if you’d like,” Roman said. “I’ll do anything that you ask of me.”

“You’re being overdramatic.”

“I’m being the perfect amount of dramatic.”

“Vous etês pénible.”

“Jokes on you, I don’t speak french.”

“I’m aware,” Logan said with a smirk, his eyes just barely sweeping to the side to meet Roman.

Roman inched his hand closer to Logan, but leaving just enough space to allow Logan to be the one to initiate contact if he so desired. Logan saw the familiar look in Roman’s puppy dog eyes- the gaze of admiration that he reserved only for him. “I-” Logan cut himself off with a deep breath. “I will accept your apologies, Roman, so long as we can drop the subject. The whole… event… is better left in the past.”

“I love you, Logan,” Roman said, never losing his gaze that could have rivaled that of a dog looking at an unguarded holiday feast.

“So you’ve said,” Logan responded, meeting Roman’s eyes and being totally captivated by them for a quick, passing, split second moment. “It’s getting late. I should be getting ready for bed.” Logan paused for a moment as if deep in thought. “The couch is a pull out. I can find the spare pillows and blankets.

“Thank you, Logan.”

_Give me love, give me dreams,_

_give me a good self esteem._

Thunder crashed and roared again. Stupid summer, stupid Florida, and stupid hurricane season were all ganging up on him. Lightning flashed and he could see palm trees shaking in the heavy wind. He tried to go back to sleep. He tried to ignore the crash of thunder that was loud enough to shake every window pane in the house. He wondered in Logan was awake. He was never a deep sleeper, but he was certainly rational enough to ignore the storm outside.

With another roll of thunder, Roman didn’t feel content to sit in the middle of it all. He tiredly wrapped the old blanket around himself and stepped onto the floor, letting the fabric draped behind him on the floor. He found his way to Logan’s bedroom but stopped at the door. Maybe Logan was asleep. Maybe he was awake but didn’t want to see Roman. Maybe Roman’s entering would wake up Logan, and he’d be so mad at him for disturbing his sleep that _he’ll throw Roman out and hate him all over again._

The bedroom door opened. Roman had never touched it. “Roman, hi,” Logan said, his voice in a hushed and sleepy murmur.

“Uh, hey.”

The two stood in that moment having the silence prevented by only the drone of rainfall. Roman opened his mouth the speak but when thunder crashed again he jumped back and held the blanket tighter around himself. Logan looked at him with pity and concern.

“I presume that the storm is what initially awoke you?” Logan asked. Roman silently nodded, his eyes on the ground in shame. Logan put an arm around Roman’s shoulders and whispered, “Follow me.” He brought Roman inside of the bedroom and closed the door behind him. “Is it also safe to presume that you came to me in search of comfort?”

“You know me so well,” Roman mumbled, melting into Logan’s arm around him. The two crawled into Logan’s bed, as Logan placed his glasses on his bedside table. He kept his arms around Roman as the more boisterous of the two pressed his ear against Logan’s heart.

_Give me good and pure, what are you waiting for?_

Logan pressed a kiss to Roman’s head as the storm passed and the other was fast asleep. “I love you too.”

_Give me everything, all your heart can bring._

_Give me good and true._

_I don’t want to feel blue, anymore._


End file.
